The Geopolitical Ramifications of the Eurovision Song Contest

A few months ago, I watched the Eurovision Song Contest on television here. For those unfamiliar with this bizarre annual spectacle, most European nations select an original song to represent them. All the songs are performed over the course of several nights on television broadcasts in all of the countries. Similar to American Idol, people in each country vote for their favorites by calling in, except they cannot choose their own nation's song. Then, each nation's results are announced with the top 10 selections from each country getting points. The song/country with the most total points wins.

Past winners include ABBA and Celine Dion (singing for Switzerland even though she is French Canadian). Many of the entries this year (and, I'm told, for as long as anyone can remember) were kitschy beyond belief. They ranged from the absurdly ridiculous (Ireland) to the ridiculously absurd (Spain); from an on-key Britney Spears wannabe (Greece) to off-key Spice Girls wannabes (Germany).

My favorite was a folk tune from Croatia featuring a 75-year old rapper. Seriously. It was the only one I bought for my iPod, as a souvenir of the 3 hours of my life I would never get back. The winner was Russia. This entry was a little creepy, with an Olympic gold medal figure skater skating in circles around the singer, who I think was pretending to be Enrique Iglesias.

I was astonished by the voting process. First, every country has an equal vote. Thus, San Marino counted for as much as Germany. What does this contest think it is? The US Senate, where Wyoming has the same voting power as California? Second, with few exceptions, the voters of each nation preferred the countries bordering them or for which they had some historical affinity. This benefits Eastern Europe where there are so many small nations and this year it specifically benefited Russia, which got many votes from all the former Soviet republics.

I went to the office the next day expecting to see my French friends upset over the biases in Eurovision voting. It turned out that I was the only one upset, because everyone else was used to it. Yes, it's just a song contest, but what does it say about the European Union when millions of people ignore merit and just vote for their friends and neighbors, no matter how truly awful their song was?